Why America Celebrates Love People Day, Chewing Gum Day, and Hot Mulled Cider Day

America’s Strange Love for Oddball Holidays

Today, America celebrates three “holidays” that no one really asked for: National Love People Day, National Chewing Gum Day, and National Hot Mulled Cider Day. Yes, all three land on September 30. If you’ve ever wondered who wakes up one morning and declares spiced apple juice worthy of a national holiday, then welcome—you’re already halfway initiated into the cynicism this column thrives on.

National Love People Day: Kindness or Comedy?

The name alone sounds like a self-help cult that requires matching yoga mats and inspirational wall decals. In theory, it’s a day to spread kindness, show love, and behave like you’ve never once honked at a car lingering at a green light. Americans love the idea of loving people—as long as those people don’t cut in line at Starbucks, vote differently, or abandon shopping carts across two parking spaces. Still, if we manage even five minutes of not silently judging our neighbor’s lawn ornaments, maybe there’s hope.

National Chewing Gum Day: Big Gum’s Big Day

Then comes National Chewing Gum Day. No one knows who invented it, but it feels suspiciously like a dentist’s nightmare wrapped in a marketing ploy. “Celebrate chewing gum!” the idea says. But how? Hold parades with floats made of Juicy Fruit wrappers? Stick Wrigley’s under every chair like it’s 1997 middle school detention? The mental image is absurd. Local news could cover it: “Tonight, meet the woman who blew the world’s largest bubble—before it collapsed and wiped out her bangs.” Let’s be honest: America already celebrates gum every time a fifth grader sneaks a pack into math class.

National Hot Mulled Cider Day: Seasonal Shenanigans

And finally, there’s National Hot Mulled Cider Day. Nothing says September 30 like pretending it’s already fall, cranking the cinnamon until your kitchen smells like a Bath & Body Works candle in crisis. Hot cider is cozy, sure. It tricks you into thinking your allergies are just “autumn vibes.” But do we really need a holiday for it? Apparently yes, because pumpkin spice couldn’t monopolize every beverage.

The Absurdity of It All

Here’s the kicker: all three happen on the same day. Love people, chew gum, and drink cider. Do them all at once and you’ve basically filmed a Hallmark movie that ends with sticky teeth and a sugar crash. Picture trying to kiss someone while chewing gum and sipping cider. That’s not romance—it’s an OSHA violation.

Why America Loves Micro-Holidays

Yet maybe that’s the charm of micro-holidays. We’re a nation desperate for Instagram content, and nothing fuels engagement like “Happy National Whatever Day!” You don’t actually need to love anyone, chew gum, or simmer cider. You just need a hashtag and a filter.

A Twisted Kind of Brilliance

Still, there’s a strange brilliance to it. Love People Day nudges us toward kindness, which is rare enough to count as miraculous. Chewing Gum Day gives us permission to blow bubbles in public without shame. And Hot Mulled Cider Day? It’s just a festive excuse to spike your apple juice with brandy and call it seasonal cheer.

So when you scroll past friends posting about kindness, selfies with gum, and cinnamon-stick cider mugs, just remember: every day is a holiday in America if you squint hard enough. If that doesn’t make you love people, chew gum, and sip cider all at once, at least it gives you something to laugh about. And maybe laughter is the best way to celebrate anyway.