Bless Your Headlines: This Bus Ride Brought to You by Pepperoni Rolls and Poor Decisions

Y’all, I’ve heard of fast food and public transportation, but rarely have the two collided so spectacularly. Let me introduce you to Tina M. Renner—a woman who allegedly decided that if she was going to be on the run, she might as well have a snack and a slushie to go with it. And oh, why not a city bus, too?

According to reports, Ms. Renner made her grand entrance into a Weirton, West Virginia gas station like it was her personal 7-Eleven buffet. She allegedly helped herself to pepperoni rolls (West Virginia’s unofficial state treasure), candy (because crime is exhausting), and a large slushie (hydration matters) without so much as a coin tossed in the general direction of the register. Then, in a twist no one saw coming—except maybe Florida—she strolled outside, boarded a Weirton Transit bus, and took it for a little spin around the parking lot like it was a bumper car at the county fair.

At this point, you might be wondering: where was the actual driver? Oh, just sprinting after the bus, yelling like a man who’s seen one pepperoni roll theft too many. Bless him.

A passenger aboard the bus reportedly thought he was being kidnapped, which is frankly the most relatable part of this entire saga. He also said Ms. Renner was laughing as she drove off, which, I assume, was either out of sheer joy or brain freeze from the slushie.

Eventually, the real driver hopped back on board, Ms. Renner made a dramatic exit through the emergency rear door like a reverse-action action movie star, and she was arrested shortly after. Authorities later confirmed she was already wanted in Pennsylvania, because of course she was.

Now I know we live in stressful times. Inflation’s up, patience is down, and it feels like everyone’s one bad Tuesday away from turning into a walking Florida headline. But for heaven’s sake, stealing public transportation is not the answer—especially not if your getaway plan involves driving a bus and stopping near a Huddle House. That’s not even low-speed pursuit material, that’s just… brunch-adjacent chaos.

So here’s the lesson, dear readers: If life ever tempts you to make poor choices fueled by slushies and snack cravings, maybe just sit in your car and take a breath. Call a friend. Write in your journal. Steal attention, not buses.

And to the good folks of Weirton, may your transit routes stay uneventful, your pepperoni rolls stay sacred, and your slushies remain chill—in every sense of the word.

Bless it all,
Georgia Dale