Calm, Assertive Energy: The Secret to Truly Connecting With Your Dog

We’ve all heard of him. Cesar Millan. A guy who became famous training dogs. If you’ve ever watched his show or seen him perform live (I’ve had the pleasure of doing both), then you can appreciate his way with the canine species.Now, some may say that he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. But I disagree. I find that when someone is naturally good at something, others feel threatened and try to diminish their value. There may be a few of his techniques that I don’t agree with, but his knowledge of how dogs think and operate is spot on. His advice is very much common sense which, as we know, can be hard for some people to grasp. I think the only way one could truly appreciate his teachings, is if you have put any of his training tips into practice or, better yet, worked with multiple dogs at a time. But, this isn’t an article all about Cesar Millan. It’s about the truth behind one of his main teaching points: dogs respond to calm, assertive energy.

I once worked at a dog boarding facility. We would have anywhere from 10 to 35 dogs at a time. One of the regular client’s, was a dog named Lady. No one messed with Lady. When Lady would come into the dog run, everyone gave her space. She’d arrive with her head held high and make a beeline for the top most part of the dog run which was a series of climbing stools. She would sit on the tallest one. As the dogs would play, Lady sat on her perch and watched. If things got too rambunctious, Lady would descend her throne and approach the offending party. She would then take her paw, and paw the face of the one who was having the hard time settling down. She would not let up, until the dog settled into a sit, meaning her message was received and he would calm down. Then she would return to her perch. Lady’s corrections always met the level of intensity of the individual she was interacting with. Never over the top, and never without follow through. If a young puppy would come into the dog run and try to challenge Lady, Lady would matter of factly show this puppy what boundaries meant. No one ever tried to challenge Lady off her perch. These dogs weren’t afraid of Lady, they respected the energy that she brought into the dog run. Dogs don’t like chaos, and when a dog comes in that exemplifies solid leadership, it has a dramatic impact on the energy of the group as a whole.

Several years ago, I had the pleasure of working with a 1yr old Dogue de Bordeaux (the same type of dog that stars in the movie Turner and Hooch). He weighed in at roughly 125lbs and the main goal that the owner had for him was to be able to walk him. He wasn’t reactive. He wasn’t aggressive. He was stubborn! If he didn’t want to walk, he would simply plop down and that was it. Nicodemus was his name, and there was no way you could get him to go where you wanted once he decided that he didn’t agree with that plan. He knew how much muscle he brought to the table, and he took full advantage of that power. Nicodemus gave me a run for my money. I had him on a good walking tool, and was throwing all my knowledge and charm at him, but I could not motivate him. He would plop every chance he got. So, I thought I needed to get tougher, use a deeper tone, and show this dog that I was just as strong as he was. He didn’t buy it. On the contrary, the more eccentric I got, the more he dug in his heels. I came to realize that I needed to change my ways. Instead of feeling that I had to make this guy do something, and forcing him to do things my way, I relaxed. I took a step back and let him come to me. When I started to become firm, but fun, Nicodemus started to open up and listen. I realized that I was so focused on being assertive because he was such a big dog, that I forgot to be calm. To form a true relationship with a dog, both components need to be working together.

One of my favorite stories my dad tells is about the dog he grew up with, a German Shepherd named Smokey. Back then, there were no leash laws and dogs could come and go as they pleased, more or less. One day, my aunt, a little girl at the time, was walking down the sidewalk and attempted to cross the street. This was something she was not old enough to do yet. For some reason, Smokey was walking with her. As she attempted to cross the street, Smokey stood in front of her and blocked her. She tried to go around him and cross again, but he just shifted his body weight and maintained his stance. He wasn’t growling, he wasn’t barking, he was just setting a boundary. My aunt attempted to cross one final time, and Smokey’s response was to lick her face. This action absolutely appalled my aunt who turned on her heels and ran home. Did Smokey know she would have that response? I don’t know. But what I do know is that no one taught Smokey how to do that. But he quite possibly saved my aunt from getting hit by a car that day.

One day, while I was home nursing a bad back, I let all four dogs out into the yard. What I didn’t know was that there was a landscaper in the yard doing some finishing touches. He was crouched down low, wearing a dark sweatshirt. I didn’t see him until all four dogs made a beeline for him! In a unique situation like this, you may doubt what your dogs will do when presented with a perceived threat on their territory. However, out of all the dogs, I focused my energy on my territorial diva, Pippi. I stayed calm and called her back to me. She turned on her heels, and the rest of the dogs followed suit. And bonus! The landscaper did not freak out. He stayed calm and continued his work without flinching. Calm, assertive energy for the win…again!

In any situation you’ve been in, think of the ones where you panicked vs the ones you stayed calm. Which worked out better? Or when you go out with a group of people. Who tends to become the leader of the group? The chaotic friend or the friend who stays cool under pressure? Dogs don’t operate much differently. As Cesar Millan said “True love is honoring someone for who they truly are. So, let’s honor our dog for being a dog.”